Dear Amphetamine Reptile Records:
I recently received a promotional copy of a new CD by your band Chokebore, which I understand is their first full-length release. I was quite pleased with what I heard and think the band have a lot of potential in the quite large and lucrative "grunge-metal" market. They should make a killing touring places like Lawrence, San Francisco, Lincoln, and Iowa City. The kids will really "dig 'em". But, dear AmRep folk, I would like to bring to your attention one small problem with the band's biography. The author of the text states, and I quote: "Chokebore's dense, writhing sounds aren't like any other AmRep band or anybody else for that matter." I must contest this statement. They sound a great deal like The Melvins, Monster Magnet, and (dare I say?) even Soundgarden. Do you remember a band called Squirrel Bait? They sound like them, too. I can't believe you had the huevos to think Chokebore could not possibly sound like any other, especially nowadays when there is so little originality left to go around. To say they sound like the aforementioned is far from an insult, though. After all, if I had a band that sounded like The Melvins, Monster Magnet, or Soundgarden, I wouldn't be sitting behind this computer writing a review of your band Chokebore. I would be on the road blasting out speakers, impressing people with my Russian-made Big Muff re-issue, getting equipment stolen, and catching diseases and emotional hell from some of the turpitudinous women that attend shows by fine bands like yours. Hell, I might even be making an album for your wonderful label. The point is, though you may think your band original beyond compare, they probably are not. Since you are their label and have a vested interest in their success, you may have a hard time being objective. Though I am just a lowly music writer-someone a gargantuanly cool label such as yourself could squash like a bug-I must demand that you try not to lie to me, or anyone, again.
PS: I like the way the band fluctuates a lot from soft to loud volume.